try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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