Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
