either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
