im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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