your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
