I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
