I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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