Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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