If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is Oprah even human
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
