Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
