I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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