I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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