i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
