gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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