I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
