Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
