There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
