I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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