you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
