Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
