I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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