I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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