These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
