As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
