I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
