i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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