Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
