i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
