just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
