I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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