You smell like stripper and shame
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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