where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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