i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
