CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dignity is for republicans.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
