These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
