he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
