sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
