Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
