Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
