If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize