After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
