what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
