No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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