Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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