Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
