she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
