Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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