so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
