Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i came on her dog
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize