Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
