I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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