So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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