Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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