I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
