Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
