seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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