just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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