My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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