So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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