i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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