Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
