I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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