I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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