tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
