Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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