and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
