for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it's great music for shaving your balls
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize