So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
