I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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