Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
